How Do I Get A Girl That Is Playing Hard To Get?

Human relations are complex, especially when it comes to dating. So it should come as no surprise that the subject receives its fair share of serious investigation.

Even Charles Darwin, the father of evolution, asked a version of the question “How do I get a girl that is playing hard to get?” He had his theories and even published them. Many of the theories advanced over the years are abstract or difficult to apply. Some of them only apply in certain situations and others have been debunked. The human heart is still very much a mystery, but at least we have some insight into it.

As to why a specific lady is playing hard to get, there can be several reasons. Sometimes it’s a simple but bitter truth: she might not be interested at all.

Sometimes it’s because you seem a little too interested. It’s easy to overwhelm someone with your enthusiasm, but the effect is the opposite of what you want. It’s all too easy to leave her feeling smothered or pestered, and she may start avoiding you.

Sometimes it’s simple, cruel manipulation. There are sadistic ladies who like to watch their suitors squirm, and will do whatever they can to make them suffer. If she seems to casually flip between interest and disdain, this may be the case. If she treats you like dirt but keeps stringing you along with the promise of “maybe”, you’re in trouble. In this case, the healthiest thing you can do is forget about her and move on.

There are also women who try to test your resolve. According to researcher Peter K. Jonason, women often use “playing hard to get” as a protective mechanism to test your real value as a mate. They want to know that you’re really interested in them as a person, not just a quick conquest or one night stand.

And just to complicate things further, some women really are just hard to get. Maybe they have commitment issues (women get these too), or perhaps they have so many prospective partners that it’s hard for them to choose. To learn how to stand out from the crowd and become a woman’s “obvious choice”, visit and read their post:

Obviously, it’s important to work out which of these apply. But before you try to understand someone else, you need to understand yourself. In his ancient book of war, Sun Tzu explains how it’s more important to understand yourself than it is to understand the enemy. Affairs of the heart are not exactly warfare, but the same principle applies.

It’s easy to see what you want to see when you’re not honest with yourself. So take a moment to see if you are projecting your hopes where they don’t exist. Has she given you any reason to think she really is interested?

On the other hand, are you smothering her real interest by being too keen? Sometimes simply exercising some self-control is all that’s needed.

Sometimes the signals are ambiguous. Men’s Health dissects some of the most common “hard to get” behaviors and gives solid advice for recognizing the signs of genuine interest.

Often, women will seem unresponsive if you text them or send them a message on a social media site because it’s hard for them to work out what your real intentions are. These channels are so impersonal that she simply can’t gauge your emotions. Instead, reach out with a voice call. If she ignores your texts but answers your calls, there’s a good chance she’s interested.

Women who claim to be busy all the time are sometimes just protesting being taken for granted at the last moment. If she agrees to a date that’s booked in advance, then she probably digs you.

There are few things as off-putting as listening to a woman talk about other men, especially a woman you are interested in dating. It’s like a slap in the face!

Is she really trying to offend you? It depends.

Maybe she’s trying to show you that she’s in demand and that you can’t take her for granted. When she talks about these other men, is she talking about her interest in them or their interest in her? If it’s the latter, then she’s probably interested in you; she’s letting you know that you’re the first in line.

If a girl keeps canceling dates and makes excuses for her unavailability, it may be that she’s trying to avoid you without hurting your feelings. Or possibly, she’s overcompensating for a tendency to be clingy. If she suggests a future date, then she’s probably interested in you. This is not something that girls do when they’re trying to avoid you!

Sometimes women seek to create an “air of mystery” to increase their allure. Of course, this can come across as being evasive and noncommittal. How can you tell the difference? If she’s open about serious and important things, but mysterious about irrelevant things, then she’s probably trying to make herself more interesting to you.

When a woman really is interested, it’s always possible to win her over. Even if she’s playing hard to get. But it does take patience and consistency.

If you want to get a girl that is playing hard to get, you need to recognize her fears and learn how to demonstrate you are the right match for her. The exact approach will depend on what you learn about her as you get to know her. But the essence is to break down the barriers by forming a real connection. And that starts by getting to know her as a real person.